AWAKENING TO WHO WE REALLY ARE…..
Why Do We Get Disappointed in Other People?
We get disappointed because we refuse to accept others as they are. We hold on to the view that they are supposed to conform to our standards of behavior, hopes, and desires. When they fail to conform, we get disappointed. We blame them for our feelings.
Until we accept that everyone is different from us, we will always be disappointed. Is there anyone in the world who could never disappoint us? The most accommodating, perfect person would probably, unintentionally, let us down somewhere along the way. So a person’s flaws don’t have anything to do with causing disappointment any more than a person’s perfection would.
Each one of us experiences our own reality. I may not agree with yours, like it, or approve of it. In fact, I may find yours to be distasteful and dangerous. But for me to have any peace, I need to cease to expect or want others to be anything but what they are, or can ever be. I need to respect their choice regarding their character, views, and behavior, even if they are unhealthy or a detriment to others.
Note that respecting their right to make a choice for themselves does not mean we have to agree with or support the consequences.
Why Do People Disappoint Us?
People disappoint us for a variety of reasons without ever intending to. It is rare for anyone to consciously seek to be a disappointment. That should give us some relief, because at least we know someone isn’t deliberately trying to make us miserable.
What they are doing is behaving according to their own standards and priorities which are different from our own. If they could make everyone including themselves happy, they would. But they cannot, as neither can you. No matter why someone is disappointing us, people are going to do whatever they do whether we like it or not. No one can make anyone do anything all the time and on a permanent basis. The most tyrannical ruler in the world can’t get all his subjects to behave according to his expectations, and neither can the most loving, benevolent being. For the rest of us, the chances are even slimmer.
What is a Good for the Goose
What we exact on ourselves, we tend to exact on others. That means, if I make sure I’m always polite, it is very easy to expect others to be the same way and cringe when they aren’t. Any hurt and anger over this is all due to my choice to impose my own rules on them, usually unbeknownst to them.
Examine your expectations for yourself. Is it just for you, or is it for everyone else as well?
Being Disappointed Can Be a Way of Feeling Superior to Others
In order to compensate for feelings of inadequacy, being constantly disappointed allows some people to feel superior to those who don’t measure up.
Take a moment to check and see if this applies to you. Do you find yourself measuring others against your yardstick of model behavior? Do the shortcomings of others give you reason to feel they are “less” than you? Feeling superior to others is false self-empowerment, masking the absence of healthy self-esteem.
You do not have to feel better than others in order to feel good about yourself.
When We Experience Disappointment, We Are The Ones Suffering
There is an endless number of people and situations to potentially let us down for as long as we are alive.
The only thing we can do is to accept people just the way they are. What does that mean? It means do not wish or hope anyone to be different. This is in our best interest. This way, we do not suffer, ever. Accept there is always a good chance people don’t, won’t, or can’t meet our expectations — be it a personal or professional setting.
Let go of certain behavioral codes we are imposing on others. Let go of expecting others to make us happy. We alone are responsible for our own happiness. Fulfill our own needs.
Letting go of expectations takes practice. It brings up a lot of issues we didn’t realize we had. When we examine them and resolve each issue, we get closer to living free of expectations.